Monday, April 17

Clarifications and Confessions

I am not depressed. I am somewhat anti-social, incredibly busy, and pregnant. Since Thanksgiving, I ...
-packed up an apartment filled with a whole lot of crap,
-arranged for everything to be done in our new house because it was a really busy time for John at work,
-closed on a house,
-painted most of the interior of our house,
-frantically unpacked in order to have guests over for Chirstmas,
-had a pretty big Christmas bash as said freshly-painted house,
-driven to Katy 4 times,
-had lots and lots of people over, to visit and to stay the night (which I love, please don't think I don't!!)
-had another big family thing the week after New Year's,
-got pregnant,
-been morning sick,
-have driven into Austin, which is an hour away, at least once a week, usually twice,
-have tried to take lots of naps
-have been taking care of my family, because at least one person has been sick almost every day of the last two months
-planted a butterfly garden
-planted a real garden, with tomatoes, garlic, strawberries, okra, squash, wax beans, sugar pumpkins, watermellons, cantelopes, and peppers. And I had to dig out a new space for those last four things, outside the existing garden,
-bought and raised guineas, and helped to build them a large cage, then a coop
-tried to figure out my way around a new town,
-am trying to find a new doctor or midwife for said pregnancy,
-have attempted to keep my house clean, keep the family fed (on a budget), and keep clean clothes avaliable.

So, I have not had time for multiple nagging questions asked over and over about the same subject, which does nothing but piss me off under regular circumstances.

I am intensely private, and unless I'm freaking out (see post from March 6) I am not likely to share all that much with people. I am not obsessive abuot keeping secrets, I just don't always offer much.

I am one of the most shy people you will ever meet; I just fake it around strangers, but I'm usually freaking out on the inside. We had a couple over for supper last week, someone John works with. I had talked to the wife several times on the phone, but ended up so nervous that I bit all my (awesome) nails down to the skin the day they came over. Some of the sweetest people I have ever met, but I was a wreck before they came over.

I am also one of the most self concious people I've ever know. I flip out about my apperance, not that I have to be perfect, but I worry that it's not good enough. I hate going out with the Girls, because I always feel like I look like crap, no matter how I'm dressed or what I look like. I am, however, secure about my parenting, and hate questions that start with, 'Don't you think ...?' No, I don't. If I did think whatever said question was about, I wouldn't be doing whatever I am doing. I have the support (and sometimes direction) of my husbad 100% of the time, and he is the only person whose opinion I want or care about.

I am the meanest Mama Bear you will ever meet. The quickest way to make me frighteningly upset is to mess with my family, or to comment about my marriage. Leave it alone and don't ask mean and/or hateful questions if you want a relationship with me.

I am a tad cranky today, but that has more to do with the fact that Sam has been running a fever for four days, and has been sleeping on the floor by my bed the last three nights and waking up at least three times every night, so I haven't been sleeping that well. I also have been avoiding the phone more and more, and we answer the phone, regardless of who it is, almost never. So no, I am not depressed, I am just very, very busy and somewhat disinterested. John and I joke that we have become even more anti-social since we moved out here, but neither of us (or the kids) have ever been more happy, or more content.

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