Lies and Damned Lies

to spouse sleeping on couch: 'Hey, wake up.'

sleepy spouse: 'Huh?'

'Check out the hearth of the fireplace.'

'Huh?'

'Seriously. Just do it.'

'Is that a scorpion hauling ass across the hearth?'

'Yeah. He sure does blend in.'

'Yeah he does.'

'Will you kill it?'

'Me? Why can't you kill it? You're closer, and more awake.'

'Yeah, but I'm pregnant. My midwife told me not to kill things while I'm pregnant.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah, I promise.'